I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize