Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
