I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
