My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize