I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
