I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
