How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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