Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
