I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
