I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
