Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
