I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
