She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
