i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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