if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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