I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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