Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
