just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
