In the future we'll all be gay
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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