It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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