You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I could fuck to npr.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
