addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
