Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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