Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
