Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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