Having a random hookup so left but love u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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