I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it hurts more in the daytime
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His nipple licking is glorious
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