A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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