I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
