sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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