I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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