i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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