I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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