How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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