dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
