Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
