They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
