this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
