She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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