I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
