he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
