I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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