i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
