That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am one with the molecules
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
