just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
