I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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