Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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