Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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