So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
