Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
