But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
