Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
