The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
