There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
