Just fell off a train. Bad.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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