I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
