My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
