Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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