apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize