God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
