Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My bed smells like the plague
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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