they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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