why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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