shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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