Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
