A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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