he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
