He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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