can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
