so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
