Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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