This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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