her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
