guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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