My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize