dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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