I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
