I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
