Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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