"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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