dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
