dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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