yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize