im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
