the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
