Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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