did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
