I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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