You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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