dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
