I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
