Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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