Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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