when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
