Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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