Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
