they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
