Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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