Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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