i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize