you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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