its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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