That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
