That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
