If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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