It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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