I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
