Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize