Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
