Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
