You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
