So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
